have u ever

This may seem weird but has anyone ever come to a stage where everything in their life just sucked really bad?

well bout this time 2 years ago everything in my life just hurt really bad. Nothing was going good, i had only just started to realise the feelings i had of pain and worthlessness that i would have felt round the time my dad left, if i hadnt pushed them deep down. (if u dont get what im saying just ask)

Any way, what im getting at is when my dad decided that he had nothing to do with me and left us, i felt like i had to be the strong one in my family and without knowing i was pushing my feelings far down deep within me but i had no idea that they would be released when i started to think deeply bout that day.

What happened was in yr 11 i decided that i wanted my art folio to mean alot so i did my whole assignment on my father and how it reflected onto me. without knowing that, when i opened those feelings up it hurt me like a bomb. lol.

There wasnt one night that went by that i didnt cry and that lead to all sort of things, drinking, depression, hating myself, hurting myself etc.

But if u ask me now how my life is the answer will be GREAT!!! the thing is after i had handled those feelings and managed to get through it all i have been able to see how God has just been with me the whole entire time.

So my point that i have been tring to get to is that sometimes things may not be going well and believe me i know but God is going to use each and everyone of u in the most bestest way possible. I know u may hear this all the time but think about it really deeply cos i believe that God put me through those hard time to help others and help me find out who i am...

Last Night

Last night at acc was the bestest ever!!! Danielle spoke and it was so great. To sum it up she spoke about how we are stuck with this disease caused by sin and we have to break free from it.

And what ha did was we would go up on stage and lay down as they put a black piece of material over us. While we are under it we start telling god to free us from different sins we are caught up in. And then they lift the sheet of and we are born again. then they pray for us and they listen for gods voice and he places a new name into their heads for us.

If that doesn't make sense ask me bout it...

But it was the most amazing night of my life.

I was so on fire afterwards and if any of u know James u would be able to picture the excitement on his face as well. He has been on fire since the first night of acc, its great to be with someone like him who helps me and encourages me to be a better person. So thank u so much babe!!!

Anyway it was just so dam good LOL love u all

Weird

Everything is so weird right now...

I was at uni and for the first time in ages I felt so good bout my body...I know its weird but I am like really happy with my size right now.

Like don't get me wrong James is always telling me how much he loves me and I have a good body etc but I never wanted to hear it.

But as I came into uni a girl came up to me and said that she loves my legs and wishes she had them and it made me feel great.

How weird is it how James can tell me that everyday but ill just shrug it off but when someone else tells me it I get excited.

I'm not saying that when James says it that I don't feel great cos I do but today I just felt extra good.

So I did a stupid thing and had McDonald's LOL.

But another thing exciting was that last week I was wishing that I could go to a petting zoo cos I haven't been to one in ages and today there was one outside of starbucks and I was like a kid in a candy store...I was holding and picking up everything it was so much fun...

Anyway I have to go I know this blog has been a bit boring but yeah I'm trying to look at everything in a new light.

Love u all xoxoxoxoxoxo

New Blog

I have this new blog page as well its a long story...

Guys i just wanna say thank u for ur support and love in these times when we have both needed it. I ask that u continue to pray for James and support him. But thank u for those who have.

But i love u all so much...xoxox